How to Talk to Your Pre-Teen or Teen

When you talk, they listen.

Statistics show that when parents talk to their kids about alcohol or drugs, they are 42% less likely to try them—and more likely to succeed in every way. And since more than one in seven 13-year-olds in Weld County have tried alcohol, and 10% have tried marijuana, the sooner you start talking, the better. You have more influence on your child’s values about drinking before he or she begins to use alcohol—especially during the preteen and early teen years.

  • Encourage your pre-teen or teen to talk about what interests him or her. Listen without interruption. Your active listening paves the way for conversations about topics that concern you.
  • Ask open-ended questions. Avoid questions that have a simple “yes” or “no” answer.
  • Control your emotions. If you hear something you don’t like, try not to respond with anger. Take a few deep breaths or a little time before you respond.
  • Try not to lecture.
  • Show respect for your child’s viewpoint.
  • Keep track of what your child is doing after school, and who they’re spending time with.
  • Get them involved in after school activities. When they’re just “hanging out” with friends, they’re more likely to experiment with alcohol or drugs.
  • Let them know where you stand about alcohol. Set clear, realistic expectations.
  • Establish appropriate consequences for breaking rules, and consistently enforce them.
  • Praise your child often. If they feel good about themselves, they’ll be more confident, and be able to resist peer pressure.
  • Don’t just talk, listen to what your child has to say.
  • Try to remember how difficult it was when you were that age.

Information and lessons about drugs and alcohol are important enough to repeat frequently. Answer your child’s questions as often as they ask them. And initiate conversations about drugs and alcohol with your child occasionally. Don’t harp on them, but at the same time, one conversation on the subject just won’t cut it. Their peers talk to them for hours on end every day. How much do they really hear from you?

Help Them Say “No.”

At some point, a friend, acquaintance or even a family member may offer your child alcohol or drugs. It’s important to prepare your child for this moment. Role-playing with your child can help them be ready with a simple one-liner. You can offer them some ideas, or help them brainstorm a comeback they fell comfortable with. Some simple answers are:

  • No, thanks.
  • I don’t feel like it. I’ll just have (water, soda, juice.)
  • Alcohol isn’t for me.
  • I said “no” and I mean it.
  • I don’t need alcohol (or drugs) to have a good time.
  • I don’t want drugs in my body.

Answering the Tough Questions

These are the questions that parents dread. “Did you drink before you were 21?”
“Why was it okay for you, and not for me?” The important thing is to not avoid these conversations, but to answer in a way in which you feel comfortable.

If you don’t want to share your history with your child, it’s ok. Just tell your child you don’t want to share that information with them.

Another approach is to admit you drank while underage, but share a negative, embarrassing or painful moment with them, that made you regret that you ever did.

Did You Do Drugs?

You child may also ask if you did drugs when you were growing up. It’s
important to remember, the issue isn’t if you did drugs, it’s making sure they don’t. Many parents who did drugs choose to lie to their child and deny the fact. This can be risky, especially if the child ultimately finds out the truth. You could lose all credibility. One alternative is to admit to experimenting with drugs, without going into details. However, one thing to remember: the drugs on the market today are much more potent and dangerous than the ones you may have experimented with. For example, the strength of today’s marijuana has increased 25% over what it was in the 70s*. It’s like it’s a completely different drug, with much stronger symptoms, and more dangerous consequences.

*Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, Family Guide.

Helpful Resource Links:

A Parents’ Guide to Substance Abuse Prevention
Written in a format which is easy to read and reference. It contains practical information to help parents with the difficult challenges presented by children’s use of alcohol and other drugs and other risky behaviors. It has in-depth information about specific drugs and their consequences and about communication and parenting strategies. Provided by Circle of Concern Consortium.

Make a Difference: Talk to Your Child About Alcohol
http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/children.pdf

Talking With Kids About Alcohol and Drugs
http://www.talkingwithkids.org/drugs.html

Talk to Your Kids About Alcohol
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/tipsforparents/ht/talk.htm

How to Talk to Your Teen About Alcohol
http://family.samhsa.gov/set/drugs.aspx

Time to Talk to Your Teen about Alcohol
http://www.timetotalk.org